We've all been there. You walk away from a pickup, drop-off, or heated exchange with your co-parent feeling like you've been gut-punched. Your mind races with all the unfair things that just happened—the cutting remarks, broken promises, or twisted words. You're keeping score of every slight, every inequality, every moment you felt dismissed.
If you're nodding along, you're not alone. The truth is, unfair things happen constantly in custody situations. One parent might consistently show up late, break agreements, or use manipulative tactics. But here's what I've learned: allowing that mental tally of wrongs to consume your headspace doesn't hurt your co-parent—it hurts you. And it hurts your ability to show up for your children.
The Trap of the Mental Scoreboard
When we're dealing with difficult coparenting, it's natural to keep track of every injustice. Your brain documents every time they were late, every broken promise, every passive-aggressive comment. This mental scoreboard feels protective—like evidence you're collecting.
But this scoreboard becomes a prison. It keeps you stuck in resentment, constantly replaying painful moments instead of moving forward. It colors every future interaction and steals your peace.
Your Reset Toolkit So how do you break free? Here's what works:
✅ Give yourself permission to be in the moment and feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Don't rush to "get over it." If you're angry or hurt, acknowledge it.
✅ The Five-Minute Brain Dump Set a timer and write down everything you're thinking about the exchange. The Gentle Co-Parent App is a great resource for you on the go. Simply create a new incident and use the space to record everything.
✅ Do something to reset your physical state. Anything from taking a short walk around the block to sitting in your chair and focusing on your breathing. You'd be surprised how healing these practices can be.
✅ Create a Transition Activity Develop something consistent that shifts you from "co-parent mode" to "present parent mode"—making tea, calling a friend, or changing clothes. Your brain will associate this with letting go.
✅ Set Communication Boundaries: You don't have to respond immediately or engage with provocative comments. Sometimes not taking the bait is most powerful.
The unfairness might continue. After all, you can only change yourself, you can't change your co-parent.
However, your peace doesn't depend on their behavior. Your worth as a parent isn't determined by whether they treat you fairly. What matters is how you show up for your kids.
You're Stronger Than You Know If you're reading this, you've already survived countless difficult exchanges. You've proven your resilience over and over. The next time you walk away feeling depleted, remember you have the tools to reset. You have the power to choose your response. Your mental well-being matters. Your peace matters. And your ability to model healthy coping for your children matters more than any scoreboard you're keeping. Take a deep breath. Reset. Keep being the amazing parent you are.
With love, Jacquelyn, CEO Gentle Co-Parent